Dana Clark Music

Today I Laundered a Loaf of Bread

I don't pretend to be a Better Homes and Gardens kind of person, but this was a new low, even for me.

 

Let me explain.  Someone had donated several loaves of Trader Joe's Multi-Grain Oat Bread to our friendly community fridge, and there were several loaves left over.  The sell-by date had already become a dim memory and green mold had not yet made an appearance, so I decided to treat my chickens to some people food.  Being true omnivores, they will eat anything.  I brought a loaf into my house and tossed it in a corner close to the door I would take to the chicken yard.  Next time I went out I'd throw about half of it over the fence.

It was laundry day.  I dumped the contents of my hamper onto the floor near the bread, planning to sort it.  Then I was interrupted.  By the time I returned to the clothes I had forgotten about the bread.  I scooped everything into my arms and threw it in the washer.  I added the laundry soap and set the cycle to Heavy Duty.

Picture this: By the time the load was finished the bag of bread had risen to the top.  I opened the lid and froze.  How had that gotten in there? Where was it I had last seen that label? And what was that beige mush?  Uh-oh. 

 

What to do?? Cautiously I reached in and lifted the bag with two fingers.  Even chickens might not eat what I saw inside!  And what if it was now flavored with laundry detergent?

Plenty of water had seeped into the bread bag around the fastener.  It was the flat, square kind with the hole punched in the side, not one I would have had much faith in, but I could not detect any gooey stuff adhering to the clothes. Dare I put them in the dryer? Should I wash them again first?  Vaguely I remembered that some sort of play-doh or glue or something could be made from a mix of bread and water. If I put the clothes in the dryer, what kind of shock was next? Would they become stiff and glue themselves to the drum? Would they freeze into some unrecognizable contortions? Should I boil them?  Take them to the dry cleaners and confess?  Make a sandwich?

After carefully sniffing the clothes, I decided to take a chance.

When the dryer cycle finished the clothes seemed fine. They have no yeasty smell that I can detect. Neither do they seem stiff, although I am uncertain about some of the stuff I found in the lint filter.

Just in case, I will keep watching for mold and insects.

Cross your fingers for me.